The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
