One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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