As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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