Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
