yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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