dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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