Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
