i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Randomize
