are you still at the devil's house?
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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