In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
