hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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