I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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