At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
