whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
