The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
