Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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