i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
