I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
