Pants 0. Shit 1.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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