He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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