when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
