dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
