I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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