Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
