if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
