I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
