she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
