Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
