And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
