I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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