Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
