When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
