So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
She bit a glass in half.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
