I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize