It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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