I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
