no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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