Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
