I feel great
I just peed on a car
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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