and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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