That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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