i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
