Can Purell be used as lube?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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