I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
