Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
