Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
