make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
