If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
