Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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