That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
