: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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