ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize