So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
