You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize