my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
