I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
