So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
