I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
two words: eviction party
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
