you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
