i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
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$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
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Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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