what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
