We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
