Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
