No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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