things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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