a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Green mimosas i think yes
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
