i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
