Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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