apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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