Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
