WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
