when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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