saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
