How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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