How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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