I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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