it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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